Your dreams were your ticket out

So, it’s been a long while since I’ve posted. My mission with this blog was to share what I was learning as I was learning it and my perspective on the difficulties of different levels of understanding, from the intellectual “seems right” to being able to tear apart the concept and teach someone else. Very quickly I fell into a pit where I asked myself “What right do I have? Who am I to say anything?” In that pit, I thought of things to write, but I never did. That pit is depression, and it was killing me.

Over the past years I’ve made several changes in my life for the better. I met a wonderful woman and got engaged. I started an organizational program. I left my corporate job and announced to the world I was a freelancer. I’ve taken classes and joined projects that a few years earlier I would have shunned. It’s been a lot of change, but in the end, it’s been good. Every thing I do that is different from before gives me a different life than before. Today, I’m making another change.

I pulled back out that question, “What right do I have?”. My old answer was “I don’t. Don’t be pretentious. Don’t share until you know what you’re talking about.” I’ve grown to the point where, that old answer? It’s crap. Pure BS from a part of my brain I’ve been reprogramming for years. My new answer is that I need to share because, why not? Even though there are plenty of people with more knowledge and experience than me, there are people who have less than me that I can help.

I am in a unique position. I’ve been a student and I’ve taught and I get the chasm between those two states of learning. I’ve seen behind the curtain and can see the outlines of the lesson plan as I’m hearing the lecture. I also neurotically self evaluate enough that when I finally understand something, I remember how I came to that understanding. Sharing how I work through a problem while I’m in it will be just as helpful as coming down off the mount with knowledge in hand, I think.

To this end, I’m going to make an effort to post every week. I’ll try to increase the volume as the days go on. As I’m typing, I’m envisioning a Doogie Howser moment each night where I summate my day before going to bed. More  than likely, I’ll have already gone to bed, then gotten up and trudged into the computer room to type out my manifesto before cursing under my breath and trudging back, but we’ll see how it goes. I’ll at least have a lot to chat about. I’m starting three new drawing classes at the Animation Guild; I’m (slowly) learning python, MEL, html, and css; I’m working to re-build websites; and I’m continuing with creating more animation to get more work. Oh, and planning a wedding.

My dreams have remained and they’ve turned around. Here’s to the next version. I hope you find it helpful.

Welcome back.

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